Season's Something

'Twas the night before Solstice, and all through Ballard
Not a customer was spending, no room on their cards.
Their pockets were empty, no bailout for them,
Just hopes that their kids would be happy next A.M.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of game consoles danced in their heads.

And mama in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just balanced the checkbook, and searched the kitchen for scraps.

When out on the street there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed while I heard my teeth chatter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Opened the curtains and threw up the sash.

The streetlights shone on the half-muddied snow
,
Made it hard to see clearly the shadows below.

What do my incredulous eyes suddenly see,

But a bum, balancing himself to more easily pee.

Stranded

It seems like it's something new with my car almost every other week... Had a wheel bearing go out, got rear-ended on the viaduct, got the fog lights smashed in by someone who couldn't parallel-park, and now the clutch pedal's bracket has broken, making it really hard to drive. So... here I am at home on a Friday night. I was going to go to a movie... or go shopping for presents... I hadn't decided. Now I can't afford the movie or the presents, even if I could get there.

Dammit! Where's my prescription for Fukitol?